“Untitled” 12

23 Apr 2020

Lost, helpless, in the void

I search for meaning

But find very little

It is why I took to the Army

Hatred provides great meaning

To kill the enemy is a great motivator

I find little motivation in daily life

Maybe years of being denied have taught me

To never expect anything, to only do the minimum

But I know, somewhere deep in my soul

If I found a worthy cause

I could dedicate my life and self to it

But that has not come around

I am disenchanted with life

The most enchanting of promises of all

Somehow I find it dull, small, not worth it

I hope to find greater meaning one day

Maybe I will not find anything more

But I will try, and try, and try

Until the day my husk of skin is finally liberated

Until my attention seeking, drab, destructive conscious

Finally leaves this God-forsaken Earth and body

I will do all I can, until my breath leaves, and silence reigns