Goodbye
2 Apr 2020
If you’re leaving for the night
Say au revoir like you always do
Those two words mean more than you know
They’re a promise to meet again
The little smile you wear as you depart
Insight into the coming days ahead
If you’re leaving for forever
Do not give me the hope
Just say goodbye and leave
Hide the smile, keep the words
This parting will be the last
We shall not meet again
Mundane
31 Mar 2020
Late nights spent listening to songs I can’t forget
A harrowing journey taking me through the highs
And the lows simultaneously as I drift farther
Out into the darkness resting inside my mind
Into the creepy, eerie edges of consciousness
The border towns of my mind are filled to the brim
Full of lost memories and words and sins
Half remembered, half forgotten, the days which
Fill all of our lives but are quickly discarded
The boring, mundane majority of time
Cherry
20 Mar 2020
Regret or dismay are words that could well be used
To describe the feelings I have towards the past
I think a better term to describe it all would be
Bittersweet, like a juicy cherry just past ripeness
I wish to go back and make amends for some
I would make the same choice again in some
Either way, the outcomes of my decisions are set
And I wish I could go back, to make a new one
Recklessness
12 Mar 2020
Recklessness masked by reason is still reckless
It still has a chance to bring about great folly
I make decisions based on recklessness
But they always seem to work out well
One day it’ll come to bite me in the ass
But until the day that vicious, snarling
Hound called reality catches up to me,
Reckless will I be,
and recklessness will guide me
Pride
12 Mar 2020
I try and bury you 6 feet underground
Push a humble façade, but you always lurk
Below the surface, one or two words away
The slightest trigger brings you to the surface
A denial, a rejection, that’s the easiest way
To make you rear your ugly, misshapen head
I wish I could swallow you, bottle you up
But you’re always there, trying to bubble up
Directly under my thoughts, in the primitive, baser part of my brain
One day I shall be humbled, but today, pride keeps marching on
Omens
7 Mar 2020
Black shadows in the sky reflecting
Black omens for the times ahead
Black omens in spite of previous efforts
Black omens signal the end of all
In stride I remain placid, unmoving
In stride I remain disturbed, deeply moved
Nothing can shake me yet, despite my best efforts
All can shake me in spite of my best efforts
Trying to organize feelings in futility
No longer in control, fallen from the button
The manual override is in effect, destroying
Any chance I had at a normal life
Two Weeks
5 Mar 2020
Two weeks ago, I felt entirely different
I felt sadness and anger and vitriol
Towards a world not meant for me
Towards a world so close to perfect
Towards a world just a smidge off
Today I feel entirely different
I feel happy, feel hope, feel good
Towards a world not meant for me
Towards a world so close to perfect
Towards a world just a smidge off
Two weeks from now, I will feel entirely different
Towards a world not meant for me
Towards a world so close to perfect
Towards a world just a smidge off
These shifting emotions mark the chapters of the day to day
Overall, I seem to be calm, placid, steady
But the day to day isn’t the real me
This uncertain day to day is not what defines humans
Happy one day, in the depths of sorrow the next
Transient emotions come and go
Unchanging in their rapid changing
It’s hard to get to the core of anyone
But the core is what tells the truth
Search within for the truth
Search for the core, and build from there
Gravel
5 Mar 2020
Roughly ground, a gravel of substantial size
Resting gently in an unsightly pile
The backbone of the modern world
Sitting quietly, waiting for its turn
Concrete, asphalt, by itself
So many uses to mankind
Yet shunned when not serving a purpose
I wish to be like gravel
Quietly living my life
Serving the greater good
Making the world a better place
Blackbird
5 Mar 2020
Blackbird in the air, a solemn omen
An omen of gladder tidings ceased
Sitting in the air like a constant laugh
Mocking something it knows nothing of
Gliding through the air, cutting the last
Vestiges of happy blue skies and times
Blackbird I fly with you, welcoming
The shift in reality, embraced with arms open
No longer shall I try to defy you
I long to ride the waves as they come
Hairs
29 Feb 2020
No use splitting hairs
No use splitting time
Every day is precious
Every day is time
Spent living to the fullest
Spent living to the last
But things don’t seem to work out
Everything moves way too fast
Time to do as I see fit now
Time to give up on expectations
Time to set my own bar now
Time to live to my own expectations
Contradiction is where I’m at
And these regrets live in the past
Time to give up these regrets now
Live my own life at long last
“Untitled”
28 Feb 2020
“If you wanted honesty that’s all you had to say”
I’m stealing that line from MCR, but it’s the truth
If you want the truth, come to me and I’ll tell ya
I’ll be honest but fair, you still may not like it
But truth always hurts, and truth will help you grow
I’ll try to not hurt feelings, but truth cares not for emotions
I may seem like an asshole, but I try not to be
I’m just trying to help, because I expect the same from you
If you can’t be honest, why speak? Kill me with the truth
I may not like you in the moment, but I’ll respect you in the end.
Phantoms
28 Feb 2020
Phantoms fill my mind, promise unfulfilled
I do all I can to live up to hopes placed on me
An unworthy vessel, hopes generally missed
I sink into the conscious of others, once again try
Try to fill expectations not my own, but important
Still treading water, knowing anything could cause
The collapse I expect, the collapse others dread
Still, I will strain my back, strain to hold on
To try and meet all that I can, unsinking, a buoy
To bolster the hopes and dreams of others
To be the hope the people need
To show them the land promised to all, to goodness
To kindness, to truth, to justice, to all the good things
I will bear the weight of expectations, of unknowing glances
I will make sure all believe in the sanctity of all that is good
Even if I lose myself trying, I will be all they expect me to be
A success, a man, a leader, anything and everything I will be
Memories
28 Feb 2020
Thoroughly set in, isolation is my companion
Friends gone, alive and dead, have moved past this
I try not to linger, try not to falter as I push on
Past the times we had, once shining reality
Now just faded portraits of times less lonely
The memories give me heart, I can surely
Find times like that again, time spent speaking nothing and everything
Believing every word said was more profound than the last
Every word was gospel, and every action sin
Trying to follow moral compasses with ever-changing Norths
A life not oft lived, followed to the grave religiously
A life not meant for many, but for a proud few
I believe the few are the unlucky, for this life is hard
There is hardly quarter, hardly mercy, hardly hope
Believing only the worst, hoping only the best
Stuck in the limbo between both and flailing
I do my best to make peace but the memories
Make it hard to please the righteous
Make it hard to follow the damned
Faith
28 Feb 2020
Beyond comprehension is faith
It’s something I lack in most everything
I was taught to believe the best
But life has taught me otherwise
Still, I fight to try and believe
Everything will work out, be alright
Reassurances I give to others
But I don’t believe it myself
It’s how I live my life to get through
To try and plod through the shit of life
It’s all I have, empty reassurances
I’ll use it to try and complete this farce
Eden in the East
22 Feb 2020
To the east lies a shining promise
A promise of good times and merriment
A promise of change and a new life
But still it rests far away, by distance and time
Months to go and miles to trek, I set out
Trusty wit and half faulty wisdom are my companions
The inexperienced confidence of youth
Bubbling up with every step, every mile
Vain unintentionally, naively open
Mistakes masked by youthful invincibility
Grim realizations not yet faced
Tired on arrival, reality has set in
The glimmering surface of promise unmasked
The bare, cynical bones of truth revealed
The bright, shining naivety replaced by dull jade
Still, the glimmer flickers, all is not forsaken
A chance to make good on a promise made
A/N: This one is a little more special to me than the rest. I’ve gone by East of Eden or EoE in some circles since 2017, after reading Steinbeck’s novel of the same name. This one kinda lays out how I felt in this time a little better than most, especially the being east of Eden part of it all, even though I was west of it at the time. This is the first poem I wrote that I really thought, ‘I want people to read what I write.’ The idea for the website started around this time, and I’m only now (for good or bad) starting it.
Highs and Lows
22 Feb 2020
Windows rolled down, wind blasting, Wolfman playing
An emotional high, a peak in the various ups and downs
I trek the rolling hills of emotion like a stalwart soldier
Everything in stride, with a grim little grin, resigned to what comes
Today a low, tomorrow a high, always an adventure
Who knows what may come, I care not to know
Knowing breaks the immersion, kills the fun
All life is a stage, a game, something to enjoy
May as well buckle up for the ride
21, 22
21 Feb 2020
I sit on the porch and survey my surroundings
Houses still asleep in the hour of dawn
The pale pink light of the sun heralds the new day
The bottle in my hand, a remnant of last night
Seems heavier, lighter, altogether less pleasant
The buzz is gone, but the bottle is still here, empty
21, almost 22, already a mess, like a never quite forgiven father
Turning to vice to feel, the dull nothing already reigniting
Nothing is wrong, this abnormal is now normal
I sit on the porch, surveying my surroundings
21, almost 22, already a mess
The Poetry Tab!
This is going to be a reverse chronological list of poetry I’ve written, starting in early 2020, right before the pandemic hit and fucked the world over for 3 years. I’ll add the date I wrote each poem in the post, so you can really see the ebb and flow of both my emotions, and my creative spark. A lot of it is bad, some of it is ok, and I think I’ve written a couple of bangers! Check them out!